Just Believing in Myself? No Thanks

Some people say that to succeed in anything, you just have to believe in yourself.

I don't think that has ever worked for me, even once.

The reason such "positive thinking" fails is because I know myself. I know most of my failures and weaknesses, and no matter how much I tell myself "you can do this!", another part of me is saying "you probably can't".

Even if I believe in myself, to some degree I also believe in my failure. So it just doesn't work for me. Self-esteem fails strictly because it starts with "self".

Enter the people I love and respect. If I am heading toward something big, something nerve-wracking, and someone I admire tells me, "you can do this!", I believe them, because I believe they believe in me. It makes a world of difference to know they are rooting for me, more confident than I am that I will succeed. I am strengthened by their encouragement, support and presence.

That's also (in part) why God often encourages us with the words, "I am with you", or "My presence will go with you". When I remember and dwell upon the fact of God's presence with me, I am more confident to do anything than if I thought, "I am capable". Because the truth is, by myself I am incapable. Yet I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

"And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20

It gives me more confidence to know that God is with me, and that He is for me. What can be against me? He is by my side. What can man do to me? He loves me. What can the hatred of the world accomplish against me?

I don't believe in myself. I believe in God. The knowledge of His close presence and immanent relationship is my confidence and hope.

"Nevertheless, I am continually with You;

You hold my right hand."

In Case You Were Wondering...

I have that little clicky-button "Write More About This" for a reason.

I do pay attention to when people clicky it.

I had a written list of all the posts I had to write more about, but I, being who I am, lost the page.

So, today I went through and wrote them all down again, back to the beginning of the year.

Therefore, take heart, You-Who-Clickies-the-Button, I'm listening.

I'm just slow.

Just think of me as a lesson in patience. (har har har)

Praying - for the Upwards, Downwards, and Sideways Benefit

"Upwards" Benefit:

Through Jesus Christ we have access to the throne room of God. We can come before Him with our requests boldly, knowing that He will hear, because He sees us through the lens of Christ's perfection. He hears our prayers, He listens, and that in itself is a benefit for us - knowing that God, the Almighty God, the Creator of the Universe and all things within it, listens to the lowliest subjects, delighting in them because of His mighty love and grace.

So prayer is important because it teaches us that God is listening, that even the smallest of requests can come before Him, and they will be accepted through Christ.

"Downwards" Benefit:

We do not always receive answers to our prayers as immediately as we would like, but God always blesses us. Whether in tangible answers or growth in faith and love and every grace, we learn through prayer that God is working, and we also learn that we have a responsibility to wait on the Lord and seek His will while moving forward, trusting His Word and seeking the guidance of His will. I believe that God ordains our prayers to align with His will in circumstances.

Prayer is a divinely given gift and tool for us to use in changing the world. Prayer has stopped the mouths of lions, healed broken relationships, rescued souls from death, opened the eyes of sin-sick hearts, and been the means through which all other sorts of miraculous workings have been accomplished. The downward flow of God's blessing is invoked through prayer. That alone makes it extremely important and necessary for life.

"Sideways" Benefit:

As we develop relationships, and learn of the deep struggles, longings, and praise that our friends and family share, we become more and more burdened to seek God on their behalf. I know that I pray more often and more sincerely for those whom I know rather than for those with whom I share a surface acquaintance.

Praying for others develops our own faith, and teaches us to rely on God not only for ourselves, but those we love.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Hello, My Name is Contrast

I am..

Admired, and deplored

Broken, and restored

Rebellious, and penitent

Knowing, and ignorant

Awake, and slumbering

Fast-paced, and lumbering

Empty, and overflowing

Stagnant, and clearly growing

Blind, and yet open-eyed

Humble, yet filled with pride

Dirty, and cleansed from sin

Done, waiting to begin

Crippled, and standing strong

Sometimes right, often wrong

Fighting, victorious

Discordant, melodious

Fresh, and fading away

Shadowed, and bright as day

Trusting, and suspicious

Content, and so listless

Sure-footed, stumbling

Climbing, and tumbling

Frightened, and unafraid

Indebted, and fully paid.

The Rhythm is Changed

In Genesis 5 there is a rhythm. It sways back and forth through life and death. Look carefully:

"This is the book of the generations of Adam. When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. Male and female he created them, and he blessed them and named them Man when they were created. When Adam had lived 130 years, he fathered a son in his own likeness, after his image, and named him Seth. The days of Adam after he fathered Seth were 800 years; and he had other sons and daughters. Thus all the days that Adam lived were 930 years, and he died.

When Seth had lived 105 years, he fathered Enosh. Seth lived after he fathered Enosh 807 years and had other sons and daughters. Thus all the days of Seth were 912 years, and he died.

When Enosh had lived 90 years, he fathered Kenan. Enosh lived after he fathered Kenan 815 years and had other sons and daughters. Thus all the days of Enosh were 905 years, and he died.

When Kenan had lived 70 years, he fathered Mahalalel. Kenan lived after he fathered Mahalalel 840 years and had other sons and daughters. Thus all the days of Kenan were 910 years, and he died.

When Mahalalel had lived 65 years, he fathered Jared. Mahalalel lived after he fathered Jared 830 years and had other sons and daughters. Thus all the days of Mahalalel were 895 years, and he died.

When Jared had lived 162 years he fathered Enoch. Jared lived after he fathered Enoch 800 years and had other sons and daughters. Thus all the days of Jared were 962 years, and he died." (Genesis 5:1-20 ESV)

Do you see the swaying rhythm of the text? This chapter records the lives and deaths of all of these men from Adam to Jared. There is a clear, continuing theme running through them all.

Then it changes. The rhythm is broken.

"When Enoch had lived 65 years, he fathered Methuselah. Enoch walked with God after he fathered Methuselah 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Thus all the days of Enoch were 365 years. Enoch walked with God, and he was not, for God took him." (Genesis 5:21-24 ESV)

What a fascinating departure! Enoch did not merely live; he walked with God in his life, and was taken up to be with God instead of dying, for he pleased God (Hebrews 11:5). For Enoch, living was walking with God. Enoch was almost obsessive. He was consumed by his relationship with God.

How I desire to be like that. To walk with God through every day. To really, really believe that to live is Christ, and to die is gain. To get lost in Christ instead of in the mundane. To take every moment as a gift from His hand. To breathe every breath in light of His mercy. To spend every second in the hope of His presence.

I don't merely want to live and die. I want to live for Christ, and die for Christ, standing firm on His promises and being a colander of His love, outpouring to others. I want to be a part of the genealogy from Enoch, to Noah...those who walked with God.

Reading Old Notebooks: A Prayer from 2008

Dear Lord,

What praise can I give that is adequate for Jesus, the Founder and Perfecter of my faith? What praise can I give that is of any worth? Lord, You are so far above me. You are worthy of praise from the Seraphim!

Lord, let me not forget the cloud of witnesses that surrounds. Let me remember always that they are their and that their stories are told so that I may learn Who You are. Lord, your grace surpasses knowledge.

Father, give me strength to run the race with endurance. Let me finish strong, for your glory, O God. Whether my finish be soon or late, let me complete the race with a heart bursting with love for You, and lungs screaming Your praise.

Lord, let me be like You and remember the joy to come - joy in knowing You completely. Lord, nothing is as important as You. If I lose all, let me not lose You. Lord, you are worthy of praise forever!

Let me remember what Christ did, and keep that close so that I do not grow weary or fainthearted.

Lord, I have not yet shed my blood for Your sake. If it comes to that, I pray I may endure, knowing that You call me your child and by Your grace I call you Father.

Lord, let me not forget that You chastise whom You love. Lord, let Your discipline come freely if it means fellowship with You. Create in me a clean heart, a heart that follows hard and clings to You.

Let me not sit back and expect things from You, Lord, just because You are my Father. Help me to think of these things and strive for holiness, as You call me to.

Help me never to be the cause for any root of bitterness; rather, help me to clear those roots away. God, I cannot do that on my own. I need You, Lord, now and always.

Gracious Father, thank You for the new covenant. Thank You that Jesus came down and bled for me - that He loved me while I was His enemy. Lord, You loved us even while we hated You. Thank You, precious Lord, thank You. Let me never refuse Your words! Please, Lord, give me a mind to hear what You say.

Thank You, Father, for Your kingdom, which cannot be shaken. Thank You for the encouragement from this. Though my body die, yet I will praise the Lord, the Founder and Perfecter of my faith.

Amen.

Where You are, I wanna be