Random thoughts from a Wednesday

Compassion & Trust
Personal disasters may be small in the grand scheme, but they are no less devastating for that. Even the smallest wounds should be tended by loving hands. If you care in the small things, people will trust you with their tragedies.

Love & Joy
Love is sharing of an intimate, unpredictable kind. Its beauty cannot be fully seen. Its worth cannot be fully expressed. It is ultimately selfless and abundantly joyful. Joy is more predictable, though less known. Joy is a constant, unending delight in God - even in sorrow, even in the darkness to be felt. It is there, delight battling despair, coming out victorious, though perhaps bruised and bloodied, but all the purer for its wounds. Joy is marked by maturity, by a "settledness" that comes from love - we have joy because Christ loves us with love incorruptible.

Hope & Light
If Christians share Christ only in the good times, and fall into despair and hopelessness in the bad times, then what are they doing? We are not only lamps in light, but in darkness as well - especially darkness. That is where the world will see us shining, and wonder at the sight. They may look at the world and see nothing but shadowed tragedy, but there is light. Christ is the great Challenger of darkness. He has overcome it. Through Him, we have also overcome it. God is not only God in our joy, but in our sorrow too. He keeps His flame burning in us, and we need not fear the pitch.

A robin

I observed a robin through the window. He sat still and feather-puffed on the sill, waiting for the rain to cease. Ever so slowly I approached until nothing separated us but the glass. I was inside, he was out; we were in two different worlds, observing each other, wondering.

Then he flew away.

Thoughts at lunchtime

If I were to categorize myself into one of two options, I'd say I belong in the "thinking" group rather than the "action" group. I mull more than I go. I wait and see rather than jumping ahead. This can be a strength, of course, but every one of our strengths can also be a weakness.

For example, my lunch today was sort of bland. It was white rice with a bit of soup on top. It was good, but while I was eating it I thought, "This could use a bit of salt." Did I go find a bit of salt to put on my lunch? No, I didn't. Instead, I stood there, eating my lunch, thinking about how it could use some salt. Thinking thoughts is where I feel safe. Acting on thoughts makes me feel a bit more vulnerable. If I were to find salt and put it on my lunch, I might put too much and ruin the passably good flavour my lunch already has going. Why risk it?

Thoughts are generally safe. Action is more dangerous. It is good to temper action with thought. Thought without action is not much of anything, but action without thought is just stupid. Yet I can't help but think that I could do with more doing. I'd like to hold back less and leap forward more.

Maybe instead of wondering how a passing stranger would take it, I should just smile and tell them they look lovely today. Maybe I should jump right in and offer to help someone clear the snow off their driveway instead of thinking they might take it the wrong way. If it's a risk to be nicer, to be more open, to be more generous with my time, with my joy, that's a risk I want to take. Maybe I need a bit more salt; maybe I need it more than I think.

Some wisdom from Anne Brontë

When we are harassed by sorrows or anxieties, or long oppressed by any powerful feelings which we much keep to ourselves, for which we can obtain and seek no sympathy from any living creature, and which, yet, we cannot, or will not wholly crush, we often, naturally, seek relief in poetry—and often find it too—whether in the effusions of others, which seem to harmonize with our existing case, or in our own attempts to give utterance to those thoughts and feelings in strains less musical, perchance, but more appropriate, and therefore more penetrating and sympathetic, and, for the time, more soothing, or more powerful to rouse and to unburden the oppressed and swollen heart.
—Anne Brontë (Agnes Grey)

Reflections of today

I got up this morning, listening to the chittering birds. Cats also meowed at me from outside my bedroom window. Someone let them out in the night, and after prowling through the grass, pretending to be mighty hunters, they changed their minds about the outdoors and came and whined at me for their breakfast.

Driving to work, the morning mist soon disappeared, burned away by the rising sun. I felt the sunlight, warm on my face, bright in my eyes, and it crossed my mind how often I take "small" things for granted. I'm thankful for skin that can feel the warm sunlight instead of feeling constant pain from a spreading, fiery rash. I'm thankful for the ability to blink away tears because of the brightness of the sunlight. I'm thankful to grasp the steering wheel with a hand I once thought I'd end up losing. I'm thankful to see, to feel, to see the road as I'm driving, to have a life, a job, a family. There's so much I take for granted. God blesses me with so much.

Sometimes there are these windows where I seem to draw a breath, look up from my daily troubles and cares, and taste and see that the Lord is good. Most of the time my mind is going from one issue to the next, trying to organize life into neat, controlled, bagged and tagged sections. I don't forget that the Lord is good, but I don't really remember it either. I'm just "too busy". These are the times where I must recall these moments, precious moments of time where none of my cares and woes really matter, where I catch a glimpse of what is more important than what was just on my mind.

I walked to the window at lunchtime and noticed that rain had briefly overcome the sun. The grass still glistened with the drops. The stone walkway collected puddles and painted pictures out of tiny streams. The weather changes so often. Every day, the only constant thing is God. He is unchanging in a world where everything else changes, whether it is cats, weather, or me. 

Go read something

Recently, I was challenged to write five hundred words in a day. My mind flew from one end of the spectrum to the other in rapid succession.

"Five hundred words," I thought. "That's easy!" 

"Five hundred words," I thought. "That's a lot..."

It's funny how perspective changes things. 

More often than not, I wish to write words that mean something. I have been known to jot down inane gibberish, but in general, my mind fixes upon the meaning behind words. 

Sometimes, when I am feeling particularly creative (or obsessed, take your pick), I can write thousands of words. I wrote about 14,000 words in a single day once - but that was because I was transcribing, and it was my job. It becomes more difficult to write that many words when you are writing as an expression of what is within your own soul - when you begin to think of pictures and story lines along with the words. When I write from my heart, the message is more difficult to transform into something intelligible. The pictures in my mind from my own stories and heroes have to be translated into words, words, words, and that can be difficult. It takes time and effort.

I think that's why I often gravitate toward poetry - poetry expresses ideas in less words, without losing any of the meaning. It can take five pages to capture the same image as you can express in five lines of poetry. I don't even try to imagine I am at such a skilled poetic level; I'm just saying it's possible. Christina Rossetti does it.

It's not really fair to leave it at poetry. Prose has its own beauty, its own expression, its own meaning. Sometimes prose can be poetic in its own way, musical even. Writing can be an expression of beauty, like the heart-wrenching song of a violin. It can stir you. Sometimes I read prose or poetry and I become fired up. At other times, I relax as I read, the words seeming to draw me close, settling in. At other times, I want to laugh, or weep, or sigh deep down in my heart as I turn each page.

There is a power to words, a power not easily expressed. It is just there, clearly seen, like an ink stain on a brand-new beige carpet, or a child's fingerprints on the wall. You read and you feel it, you sense that in reading there is more to the words. You are a part of something, drawn in above and beyond mere sentence construction. There is something, something...

Is it monstrous? Will it tear you apart and make you tremble with a thousand fears? Is it mysterious, like a mourning dove sitting on a branch, singing songs into the mist of morning? Is it gentle, like the tender, safe caress of a mother to her newborn? Is it exciting, climbing to the very peaks of adventure?

Well, what are you waiting for? Find out. 

A few links to pass the time

http://julianfreeman.ca/christian-life/perfect-blog-world

http://www.domestickingdom.com/2012/02/20/the-lord-bless-you-and-keep-you-baby/

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/trevinwax/2012/02/28/on-your-face-before-god-on-your-feet-for-his-mission/

10 (guilty, guilty) things...

(I'm looking at you, Adeena.)

I was tagged! Quite deviously, I might add. ;) 

Here goes...

1. Describe yourself in seven words.

Remembering Yesterday, waiting for Tomorrow, living Today.

2. What keeps you up at night?

I like what Adeena said - just one more page, either reading or writing.
Most of the time, though, it's usually thinking that keeps me up. 

 
3. Whom would you like to be?

I guess if anything I'd like to be myself, only more compassionate, more patient, and more loving. 

4. What are you wearing now?

My comfy pajama bottoms and a generic top. 

5. What scares you?

Snakes, small spaces, lost children, the illusions invented by my own half-asleep mind. 

6. What are the best and worst things about blogging?

The best would probably be the interaction, making someone think or blessing them with something I've written. I like to get my thoughts out, and it's a bonus for me if they're actually coherent. ;) I also like reading thoughts from other people, or seeing their beautiful photographs.

Worst things: Ohh, the guilt! I get writer's block sometimes, and when long periods go by without a new post, I feel as though I should bury my blog under heaps of shame, disappear into some area where the internet is not, and never try writing anything ever again. I am better about that than I used to be. Mainly, I suppose, because I'm posting more than I used to be. I think. 

7. What was the last website you looked at?

My sister's blog. :) 

8. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

I'm not sure. Every change brings its own set of problems. ;) I guess I would not second-guess myself so often. 

9. Slankets – yes or no?

I'm pretty sure that's the blanket with sleeves. Um...I guess? I mean, if someone bought me one for my birthday I would be thankful. I probably wouldn't go out of my way to buy one. 

10. Tell us something about the person who tagged you.

Well, what can I say? Adeena is one of my heroes (although she does guilt me into things). She's funny and generous, and she's extremely talented, and she's the Garcia of the family. 

Whom are you going to tag to join the quiz?

Mom, (because she will do it)
Tiana, (because mwahaha)
Sarah, (because Christmas is over!)
Dan (so he will have something to post! :D )

A new view...

Well, my curiosity gets the best of me sometimes.

I'm trying a new blog look - one of their "Dynamic Views".

The only problem is, I've lost all my sidebar things. My blog list, my recent posts, my archive, all of it.

I'm not sure I like that.

I'm not sure I can recover them, either. However, I may keep it and make a new page for my Blog List.

What do you  think of this new setup?

Random Mish-Mash

Sitting - at my desk in the office, enjoying my lunch, although my tea is almost too hot to drink at the moment. I will let it cool for a while.

Hoping - that I will not delay or hinder the work of this ministry. Hoping that I will have the talent to accomplish what needs doing. Hoping my head doesn't explode.

Reading - nothing, at the moment. I finished a book and have yet to pick the next one from my obnoxious list.

Wondering - why you always have to cough when things are quiet.

Contemplating - Hebrews. I just read through it again. It is a great, comforting book. Jesus is greater than all others! Persevere. Trust. Be comforted.

Wearing - my glasses on the top of my head, since my eye was all bothered for reasons unknown to me.

Thinking - about friends and family who are wonderful blessings to me. It's awesome to have peeps.

Deciding - whether it might not be better for me to cut my foot off instead of endure the annoying, dull pain of whatever it is I did to my foot. I think I bruised something. My foot is all swollen, and it hurts to bend my toes. Hm.

Concluding - having two feet is better, pain or not.

Besides, how would I wear a pair of toe socks?

I only got four minutes to write a blog...

...and I'm not going to waste the time by singing about it.

Too bad for you, because I have an amazing voice.

In Case You Were Wondering...

I have that little clicky-button "Write More About This" for a reason.

I do pay attention to when people clicky it.

I had a written list of all the posts I had to write more about, but I, being who I am, lost the page.

So, today I went through and wrote them all down again, back to the beginning of the year.

Therefore, take heart, You-Who-Clickies-the-Button, I'm listening.

I'm just slow.

Just think of me as a lesson in patience. (har har har)

Hello, My Name is Contrast

I am..

Admired, and deplored

Broken, and restored

Rebellious, and penitent

Knowing, and ignorant

Awake, and slumbering

Fast-paced, and lumbering

Empty, and overflowing

Stagnant, and clearly growing

Blind, and yet open-eyed

Humble, yet filled with pride

Dirty, and cleansed from sin

Done, waiting to begin

Crippled, and standing strong

Sometimes right, often wrong

Fighting, victorious

Discordant, melodious

Fresh, and fading away

Shadowed, and bright as day

Trusting, and suspicious

Content, and so listless

Sure-footed, stumbling

Climbing, and tumbling

Frightened, and unafraid

Indebted, and fully paid.

What, Music?

I have lately been pondering the lack of a certain type of song in what we sing at church. There are plenty of great, truth-filled songs, whether hymns or newer stuff. Most of them deal with the character of God, or with our (personal - more often "I, me" instead of "we, us") relationship with Him; but I have found sometimes - especially as I often choose what music the congregation will sing on Sunday - that there is very little music to be had when it comes to several themes.

For instance, recently the theme for the music was "a holy fear" - and how many songs carry that theme? Most don't deal with fear, but with love, joy, peace, rest, etc. Then there is the fact that a lot of the songs are more relational than practical - they deal in who we are, or who God is, rather than what we ought to do (what God has commanded us to do) in light of our state. The great truths in Scripture were always followed by practical instruction.

So, I don't know what I'm rambling about. Sadly a lot of church songs today constitute nothing more than fluffy Jesus-is-my-friend platitudes. I am thankful for the old hymns and the new music written by men and women devoted to truth and doctrine.

The big disclaimer here is that I have not listened to all the music that is out there; I could just be missing the piles and piles of music that deals with what I consider to be missing.

So, a question for you: do you find that church music is missing something? If so, what would that be? What topics would you find useful/uplifting in congregational music?

Happy New Year!

So, by eight blog posts I missed meeting the 2009 quota. Apparently I was more write-y in 2009 than in 2010. What do you know.

But hey - off my blog I probably wrote more in 2010 than in any other year - unless you count that year where I wrote a bunch of history for my baby (aka the novel I've been developing for 8 years), but I don't know if that was just one year or not. And some of it was kinda lame. But I digress; which is probably what this blog post is going to be. One big digression.

How was your 2010? Mine was pretty good. I have a number of great memories from last year - and some heartbreaking ones. There were times of joy and times of stubborn joy, if you know what I mean; that resolute feeling; that frame of mind where everything seems to be crumbling around you and yet you stand up tall in the face of it and say "shut your face, life! My God is bigger than you and every terrible circumstance you can possibly throw at me. Oh, and Satan, you stink. Just sayin'." Yea, that frame of mind.

So, 2011. I have no idea what's coming up this year. I have this feeling of standing on the brink, not knowing when I'm going over or what I'm going over into. All I know is that God has been beautiful this past year, and I know that He will continue to show Himself steadfast and wonderful in this new year - even if it is an odd year.

A couple of years ago I wrote down some resolutions for the new year. But they're not so much of a one-year thing as a lifetime study, so I'll repost them as a reminder to myself.

Happy New Year.

~

· Continue Memorizing Scripture. Having the Word of God at hand is good – having it on your heart is better. Let these be my words: “Thy word have I hid in my heart…”

· Read through ESV-SB.

· Develop a character of helping others. Grow in grace and compassion. Let me never consider myself better than others, but consider myself the chief of sinners – seek God’s help in developing humility. Let me consider all others better than myself.

· Develop patience. No-one is so sinful or bad that they deserve sinful wrath from another sinner. God is infinitely patient with me. How can I be any different?

· Develop Christ-likeness. Study the gospels of Christ in order to learn better how to imitate Him.

1. Spend time with Him. Relationships are made and fostered by the time we spend functioning within them. Spend time with your Lord in prayer and study of His Word Reconnect through talking with the Lord of Lords.

2. Take obedience to the Lord seriously. The Lord's commands are made out of love for us. He laid them out in His Word so that we might best find His blessings, and to help us avoid the pitfalls of living in this world.

3. Recognize your sinfulness, and recommit your life to the Lord. Make a spiritual contract with the Lord.

4. Dive into worship. Worshiping the Lord does not have to be just singing along with the choir on Sunday. While that is good and it honors God, you can also worship Him while going for a walk in His beautiful creation, while marveling at the works He is doing around the world, or recognizing and appreciating the provision that He makes in your life.

5. Start to tithe. The Lord promises to provide for you and bless you when you are faithful in giving back to Him.

6. Start serving others. Become the hands of Christ as you serve others and allow the Lord to work through you.

7. Give thanks to the Lord for all the blessings that He has placed in your life.

- From Dr. David Jeremiah

· Prayer time - Designate prayer time and stick to it.

· Seek God’s help in controlling temper.

· Redeem the time – do not waste away idle hours doing nothing.

· Let me never waste an opportunity to spread the gospel – I pray that I may have courage to step forward when the way is frightening, when all are against me. May fear of death or pain never keep me from proclaiming God’s name.

· Let every word of my mouth, every thought from my mind, every emotion I feel, be held captive by God for His glory. In every circumstance, may I remember that I am God’s letter to this world, that I am His ambassador to this Earth. May I live like it every moment.

· Read biographies and histories – Take the examples of faith from Christians past.

· Let this be the description of my life from this day forth : Romans 12:9-21

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

· If ever I come to terrible persecution, let me not curse those who torment me, but instead follow the example of Stephen, and die praying for them.

· Be a godly example to family and friends. May I be ever ready for God to work through me.

· May I never be afraid to stand up for others weaker than myself.

I'm Not Dead Yet

Though some of you might have been hoping. In which case, my only response is: So's your face.

I'm beginning to figure out why I go weeks and weeks without writing a blog. Do you want to know the answer? It's because I have an idea for a blog.

I get this idea, you see, and I begin to form it in my mind. Then I write the gist of the idea down in my blog, and it is saved as a draft.

Then I promptly leave it for weeks while I try to decide exactly how to explain what I'm thinking.

Sometimes it's relatively difficult for me to do so. The idea becomes a block to my incredible creative genius. So what I have to do is break through that, write the darn post (even if it doesn't end up as brilliant as I originally planned), and continue with my life.

I'll get there.

P.S. I was typing in a label for this post, and I have the label "random", but I typed it as "rmandan". I figured you should know that.

Hey My Deliciously Intelligent and Incredibly Good Looking Peeps,

I've been sick for four days.

How have you been?

I'm starting to get better now, which means I'm feeling quirky and hilarious (when in reality I'm probably dull and boring. Extremely boring. I apologize right now.)

So anyway, I have new stuff on my blog. I'm writing this as a test to see if it works. It comes from feeling this quirkiness. I decide to try new things. I might take them off in a week, but then again I might not.

Now I'm so extremely tired that I'm using "extremely" more than once. I think that's cue for sleep.

Having said that, I will now leave you with something more intelligent than this drivel so that you don't rip your ears off from the rage of having wasted your time with this nonsense.

"If our religion be of our own getting or making, it will perish; and the sooner it goes, the better; but if our religion is a matter of God's giving, we know that He shall never take back what He gives, and that, if He has commenced to work in us by His grace, He will never leave it unfinished." - C.H. Spurgeon

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." - Philippians 1:6

We're Drawing Close to the Finish Line, or What Has Been Taking Up My Time Lately

I always seem to have an excuse for not blogging regularly. This time it is a solid excuse.

I have been very busy. Too busy to think many thoughts. Except this one: how can I most efficiently destroy those who used my honey (that I needed for my tea) on their PANCAKES this morning? This is the question that is running through my mind.

However, that can be pondered for about two weeks. I give myself these lengths so I can go over every scenario at my leisure.

Our living room is all painted, and the furniture is brought back in. It's been a wild time of renovation and painting. I have new painting clothes: scrubs. They're comfortable. And green.

I think someday I will be adept at this mudding and painting business. Maybe by the time I get my own house I'll be a pro. Ha! I doubt that'll happen. Maybe I'll *hire* a pro to clean up after me.

It's raining right now, which makes it a good t.v.-watching day. We watched soccer after the living room was finished, and now apparently we're going to watch the Lord of the Rings, after I make rice.

Off to make rice I go.

Just For You, Heather, Because I Lub You :D

Blog Revamp!!

I finally got around to doing some stuff with the layout of my blog. I was tired of the plain blue.

So here's some different stuff! :D

The signature's pretty cool, but I might make it smaller.

Anyhoo, that's it for now!