Reflecting on Grace - Needing it More Than Ever

My thoughts of late have been more of the reflecting kind than the writing kind. It is difficult to put into words the thoughts that are more like images, emotions, and recognition...without any formulation of vocabulary. Language is more than words, and so I have been "speaking" to myself (and God has been speaking to me) in a way that cannot be translated onto a blog.

Hence the long absence.

Recently I have been battling myself, battling my desire for simple answers and lists of accomplishments. I have been thinking, If only I do this, or go there, or leave that behind, things will be better. I need to do these things in order to be happy.

Legalist, you need grace.

It is funny that God has been reminding me of my weakness more than my strength these past few weeks. Sometimes He reminds me of my strength in Him - that I can do all things through Christ. He is my strength, my certain help, and I am strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.

Yet I need to be reminded of my weakness. I am a pitiful little nothing. I boost myself up on my tippy-toes, making myself look taller, using words I do not yet understand, in order to converse with the adults. I am a child, playing "Grown-up". I become frustrated when I try to thread the game in exactly the way I want. I weave and move with the intent of making things perfect. I end up with a tangled mess.

But God.

Those words are beauty to my ears. God steps in. He has shown me my weakness, again, and I need the repetitious lesson because I forget it every moment. He is patient. He loves me. He is showing me.

God is weaving something beautiful out of something pitiful. Out of death, darkness, and destruction, God resurrects beauty, grace, and forgiveness. He is revealing Himself as my everything, my King, my Sovereign.

I love His lessons, even though I sometimes hate them. I want to get it right away. God is teaching me to be patient, as He teaches me everything else. I need His grace now and always.